believing judas
By Lauri A. Conner (’01)

I don’t believe him when he says he loves
me that everything’s okay I’m still
baby sister he doesn’t seem sincere right
hand behind his back fingers crossed knotted
and I have to remember that this is not to be
trusted they’re waiting games I refuse to play

but everyone says to cut him slack and I want
to know what it is I’ve been doing if not
cutting slack loosening reins compromising
my heart and I want to lay my weapons down
but battling blood is not easy and weapons
and wounds are sometimes inseparable the same
diversions take place each moment silence enters

between us it is loud taunting unbearable
and I want to believe him but I do not know
how to coax the lions from the den I do not
know how to shadrach my way through fire I
cannot believe he’s changed and I see his masked heart
for what it is afraid haunted consecrated by that which
I have never asked him to understand

Copyright © Lauri A. Conner. All right reserved. Used by permission of the author

Lauri A. Conner received her M.F.A from The University of Washington and currently teaches English at Seattle Academy of Arts & Sciences. She has worked at Antioch University, Seattle Central Community College and works as a writer in residence with Seattle Arts & Lecture. Her writing has appeared in The Seattle Review, CALYX, and Catalyst.

Copyright © 1997-2004 by Cave Canem Foundation, Inc.

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